I spent some time recently in Atlanta where I house-sat for my father. While on the job, I had a few ideas that I’d like to share with anyone who actually stayed in Athens for the summer and is reading this. Here goes …

Towel racks inside the shower: Now, I’ve seen them many times, but why would you actually put a towel in the shower? I mean, I’m not a scientist, but I’m pretty sure that towels would serve no purpose after being in the shower. Sure, lots of times the racks are holding shampoo or one of those poofy body sponges no guy would be caught dead using, but then why not get one of those nifty shower shelves to hang from the shower head? Go figure …

Having finally received my report card in the mail, I noticed a few things. While I pretty much knew what my grades were going to be, I was happy to see that the University still prints the little box which tells you what each letter grade means. For instance they still tell you that an A is excellent, a B is good, a C is satisfactory, a D is passing and that an F is failing. Well, thank goodness, because after 14 years (or thereabouts) of school, the meaning behind the letter grades still slips my mind occasionally …

I was out shopping with my mother at Phipps Plaza (all right, we were at the food court. I can’t actually afford to buy things at Phipps), and we passed a lingerie store which was advertising a bra sale. They had a big sign directed at browsers which listed some of the biggest problems with bras. Two of those listed were that the underwire might stick out and poke in tender areas and that the straps constantly fall off women’s shoulders. Question: Who needs to know this? Men don’t really need this information, unless it’s Marv Albert. And as far as women go, aren’t these two problems that girls become aware of pretty much the minute they strap on their first supporter? …

I wonder how good all those cameras are that monitor traffic in Atlanta. I mean, do you think they can see me picking my nose while I’m cruising down 85? If so, how embarrassing is it that everyone knows I pick … uh, never mind …

I saw a truck carrying what were labeled as "Premium Port-o-Lets." Really, what is the difference between the "Premium" brand and the normal, standard-issue blue units? I doubt these new ones have running water, so what is different? Maybe they have a dispenser with those little sanitary baby wipe things they give you at restaurants when you eat ribs. Staying clean in a Port-o-Let. Isn’t that an oxymoron? …

I saw an 18-wheeler loaded with Yamaha golf carts that boasted the carts were proudly made in Newnan, Ga. Two words: Alice Coggin …

Finally, my stay in ATL taught me three important lessons. First, satellite dishes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Maybe I’m just mad because there wasn’t anything interesting on the Game Show Network. Second, it’s great to have friends whose roommates work in Buckhead. And third, falling asleep while laying out by the pool is generally a bad idea.

– Scott Hartman is a junior in journalism.