I can’t remember how many points a driver receives for plowing through pedestrians at a crosswalk, nor do I know the exact law regarding it, but I can tell you this: Killing people is BAD!

So why is it that a few days ago I was nearly run down by not one, but two drivers while crossing Hull Street?

Was I crossing in the middle of the road? Maybe … if the crosswalk counts as the middle of the road.

Technically, I was in the middle at some point.

Yes, now I remember. That was when the SECOND car nearly hit me!

But that couldn’t possibly set a bloodthirsty rage off in someone’s head. No, I don’t wish the drivers of both cars ill. I wish ill to the second.

As for the first, he simply wasn’t paying attention.

For those unfamiliar with Hull, there are adjacent turn lanes — left and right.

The guy turning right was looking for oncoming traffic.

Granted, any feces-hurling monkey would know better than to fling an automobile through a crosswalk without looking at what would be in front of, and eventually underneath, the car. But that’s OK.

At least he didn’t TRY to kill me. No, the second driver reserved that right for himself.

Pop quiz: Which moves faster? A pedestrian or a car moving full speed?

You figured that one out? How? The driver who nearly ran me down voluntarily couldn’t seem to get it.

He’s waiting on a car to pass, so I take the initiative to cross the street. The car passes, and the driver in the right-turn lane nearly ran me over.

OK, I accept that this is Athens, and I’d be safer

sitting blindfolded on Daytona super speedway, but normally people aren’t TRYING to kill me.

Notice how I keep emphasizing that word? There’s a reason for that. This guy actually went out of his way to take me down.

And when he missed, he blew his horn to get my attention so I wouldn’t miss him flicking me off.

He tried to kill me … and then he blamed me for it.

I would now like to express the profundity of my sorrow to the driver of the black SUV — I hope your parents are impressed with the fine little boy they’ve rewarded with such a pretty new toy — in whose way I stepped because I was so presumptuous as to assume I somehow had the right to cross a street.

I know you had intended to circumscribe my life onto one city block, and for that, I should apologize.

Would, should, not gonna.

Instead, what I am going to say to that gentleman who makes players of “Grand Theft Auto” look even worse in the eyes of the Christian Coalition in conjunction with Tipper Gore is simply this.

“Screw you!”