When people ask me where I go to school, their second question is always about football.

“Man, I bet you’re happy you get to go to all the football games.”

My response?

“Of course! I’m a Georgia Bulldawg!”

SHELTON

 I came to this university for the football — does UGA have anything else to offer? I love football so much I can’t even focus during fall semester, and come spring, it takes every ounce of my energy to sit through classes without the reward of a Saturday game.

I’m a Georgia Bulldawg!

Ugh, this semester is such a drag — there’s no football! At least we get a week to venture south and carry out our god-given Bulldawg tailgating duties at the beach.

I’m a Georgia Bulldawg!

I look forward to every football season to the point of wetting myself with excitement! I buy lots of new dresses, and my friends and I practice drawing little “G’s” on each other’s cheeks so everyone knows what team we’re rooting for. Sometimes, we get too drunk to apply the face paint — no worries, everyone knows who’s side we’re on because we reek of beer and poor fashion choices.

I’m a Georgia Bulldawg!

The best part about football season is the hours before each game when I get together with thousands of strangers and drink to the point of sickness.

We’re all Georgia Bulldawgs!

We don’t discriminate. If you don’t go to UGA or have an eighth grade reading level, all is well as long as you can funnel a beer with the rest of the Bulldawgs.

Sometimes, I get so drunk I don’t even make it to the game. Sometimes a fellow football enthusiast drinks too much and I get showered in cheap, regurgitated hops. But at least it’s the puke of a Georgia Bulldawg!

I love getting ready for games — the time spent gorging mimosas and gushing over our new Heery’s purchases is reminiscent of preparing for prom. Who says we have to grow up? 

My white dress and stilettos come in handy when I piece together my Saturday — I just look at the stains on my dress and, like the map to Narnia, I can gather what I drank and ate — if anything.

I’m a Georgia Bulldawg!

After years upon years of this sacred ritual, Mike Adams has the audacity to take away our consecrated rights as Bulldawgs.

Doesn’t he know that the only reason we came to this stupid university was for the football? Doesn’t he know the only reason we go to the stupid football games is to get so disgustingly drunk we can barely hobble down the hill to Sanford Stadium? Where are my stilettos?

I’m a Georgia Bulldawg!!

How dare you Mike Adams! Shame, shame on you for taking this right away from me. I don’t care how much money the University will save when replanting North Campus every spring is no longer a necessity. 

I’m a Georgia Bulldawg!

I pay tuition to this University, and if that doesn’t grant me the power to shotgun Bud Lights on North Campus, I want my money back!

I’ll find a school that actually values what being a student is all about and supports a student’s right to belligerence — like any good university should.

I’m a Georgia Bulldawg!

If I can’t enjoy public drinking binges and trashing the environment, how will anyone know I’m a Georgia Bulldawg?

— Samantha Shelton is a senior from Auburn majoring in newspapers and women’s studies