JOSH WHITE

Go Dogs! Now move your car. Love, Parking

By:

Posted: 10/10/08

Dear Student,

It's that time of year again! Football! Go Dogs!

Hey, University of Georgia Parking Services Department here. As you probably couldn't ignore, the University's holding another home game this weekend. And that means yet another annoying e-mail or two from us.

Please vacate your purchased campus lots before the times specified below. Examine the map carefully to make sure you're not in for a towing. If you are, move. We really don't care where. Go Dogs! Sic 'em, woof woof!

What are you going to do, anyway? Write a whiny opinion column in The Red & Black? No one will take it seriously. Disgruntled students already have complained too much about this insignificant issue.

Many out there will only say you don't have "school spirit" - whatever that means - because you don't like the idea of not having easy access to your University resources.

So, just continue reading these irritating and patronizing e-mails while wondering why the hell you have to leave your increasingly expensive parking spot every home game.

Nobody thinks about these things too much, though. That's because it's the fall, and everyone has football fever! And besides, this issue has grown old and nobody cares anymore. All you students just take this routine expulsion in stride.

Look, this is just the way it is. Who needs a real parking plan when you can just tell people to leave? Anything else is too expensive, and not frustrating enough to you, the student.

You too can boot University students from their spots someday. Just think of how much fun you'll have as an alumnus.

This season's sure to be an exciting one! We're certain you're very excited, and that you want to support the team in any way possible.

We'll patrol parking lots every Friday and Saturday, doling out costly punishment for all you disloyal Dogs. It's only several days out of the semester. Don't be such a little baby. Woof! Maybe we could go all the way this year, woof!

Come on, you knew this would happen. But it's not like you had much of a choice if you wanted a parking space.

It's too bad if you actually live on campus and need someplace to keep your vehicle overnight. Make off-campus friends. Don't be such a loser.

We suppose you could park in some open lot on campus, but get there quickly! You may have some competition! Woof!

Glory, glory to Ole Georgia! Glory, glory to Ole Georgia!

Hurry up. Move. Happy Bulldog fans need those spaces. Everyone knows Miller Time comes early on gameday, woof!

We hope you enjoy another great year of Georgia football! Sic 'em! Just leave before we tow you at your own expense.

That will be all. You'll definitely hear from us before the next home game. Woof!

- Josh White is is a graduate student from Carrollton majoring in public administration.