We’ve all heard it before — pickup lines don’t work.
Whether we heard it from MTV, a friend of ours or even this very paper, we know that all pickup lines do is make the recipient uncomfortable by how strong you’re coming on to them, while at the same time glorifying a bad pun.
Who wants that?
What those sources usually don’t tell us, though, is what does work.
What does work really shouldn’t be a surprise to us at all.
People like fun, engaging conversations, people like being told they’re attractive in a tasteful way — especially from someone who they may find attractive — and people like having sex.
So keep it simple, stupid!
Simply find a person who is open to meeting someone in a bar and engage in a simple conversation with them.
Now, when I say a simple conversation, I mean simple conversation.
For it to work for a great night, they don’t need to know your life story, no matter how awesome you think you are.
And a lot of the time, they don’t want you knowing theirs either.
You’re not marrying this person, you’re just trying to have a good time with them.
There’s no set topics you should talk about — just have an engaging, fun conversation with them about subjects that you would talk about when you cut loose for a night on the town.
When you have that fun, light-hearted environment, tell them that you have flirtatious sexpectations. (No, I’m obviously kidding about that last part, that’s almost as bad as a pickup line!)
Just tell them in a non-abrupt, conversational way that you’re into them.
Now this shouldn’t be something that makes them uncomfortable like calling them the most beautiful woman in the world (what’s wrong with you, you lying pig?). It should be something that’s natural and complimentary without being too over the top.
Being comfortable and confident about telling them they’re cute in a respectful way adds to the fun environment and often leads to both people having more fun later.
Fun is really what your night downtown is about right? And people like having fun in different ways.
So the last lesson I’m going to embark upon your young minds is also simple.
If they don’t have fun by having casual sex, then let them have their fun in their own way.
Don’t pester them all night about your sexpectations.
Once you’ve clearly expressed interest, the best thing you can do is allow them to say yes or no.
Obviously consent is the most important part about great nights downtown, so whatever they decide, you can have a great night with them.
Or you can possibly enjoy an even better night after you conclude your awesome conversation with that particular person and find someone else who might be “digging your action,” as Chandler Bing would say.
— Jack McDermott is a senior from Atlanta majoring in accounting